Showing posts with label Old Lady. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Old Lady. Show all posts

Jawani Ke Din

Ek Dada Dadi Ne Jawani K
.
Dino Ko Yaad Karne Ka Faisla
Kiya...
.
Agle Din Dada Phool Le Kar Wahi Pahucha Jaha Wo
Jawani Me Mila Karte The,
.
Waha Khade-2 Dada K Pairo
Me Dard Ho Gaya Lekin Dadi
Nahi Aayi...
.
Ghar Ja Kar Dada Gusse Se:
"Aayi Kyo Nahi...???"
.
Daadi Sharmate Hue: "Mummy Ne Aane Hi Nahi Diya... 



Panch

Pintu: Daadi neend nahi aa rahi.
Hum baate kare.
Daadi: thik he.

Pintu : Daadi kya hum hamesha 5 hi rahenge?
Aap, Mom, Dad,Main aur Behen.

Daadi : Nahi beta aapki shaadi ho jayegi toh 6 ho jayenge.

Pintu : Fir behen chali jayegi shaadi karke toh fir 5 ho jayenge.

Daadi : Beta fir aapka beta ho jayega toh 6 ho jayenge.

Pintu : Fir aap mar jaaogi toh hum wapas se 5 ho jayenge.

Daadi : Kaminne, kutte haramkhor Soja chup chap



Iam Virgin

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See more blogs :
Lord Ganesha 
Funny Things 
Indian God Wallpaper
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Grandma

One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up.
Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"
Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Lulu told her that the
police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,"
Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line
asking for information from all the prostitutes.
When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at
your age? How do you do it old girl?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out,
rip the skin back and suck em' dry.

ILAZ

Ek baar ek honeymoon couple train main safar kar Raha tha.
Girl: Oh! Mera sir dukh Raha hai.
Boy romantically kisses her on forehead and asks: Ab kaisa lag Raha hai!
Girl: much better.

After some time
Girl: Mera shoulder Bahut dukh Raha hai.
Boy romantically kisses her on shoulder and asks :Ab kaisa lag Raha hai?
Girl: Very comfortable.

After some time
Girl: Mera knee Bahutu dukh Raha hai.
Boy romantically kisses her on knee and asks: Ab kaisa lag Raha hai?
girl:Much better.
Tumhari kiss main to jaadu hai!!!

An elderly man who was sitting opposite and watching all this got up from his seat and politely asked the boy:
.
.
.
.

.
Beta, PILES ka bhi ilaaj karte ho kya? 

Grandma

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed, ' she replied..

' Well, strip down to your waist, ' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ' No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk. '

I know, ' she said, ' I'm his Grandma....

Unhygienic

Aunty: Beta don't drink Pepsi,
Me: Why?
Aunty: Unhygienic hai

Aunty: Beta don't eat Chips or Maggie,
Me: Why?
Aunty: Unhygienic hai

Me: Do you watch WWF, murder movies, gross movies?
Aunty: What? Chii... No, but Why?
Me: I watch these and they go around in my mind. Isliye mera Dimag mat khaiye. Unhygenic hai

BILLY

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved 3-year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle and for fruit, cereal and soda in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Grandpa is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Tommy, we won't be long . . . . easy, boy."

Another outburst and she hears the grandpa calmly say: "It's okay, Tommy, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and Grandpa says again in a controlled voice, "Tommy, Tommy relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool, Tommy boy.

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly man, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying 'things would be okay...Tommy is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," said the grandpa, "but I'm Tommy, This wee shit's name is Billy.

Grandma's Boyfriend

A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.

The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.

When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

ωσмєη ωιll Π²Ρ” ωσмєη... .

ωσмєη ωιll Π²Ρ” ωσмєη...
.
.
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up ?"

God said, "No, you have another 34 years 2 live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided 2 stay in the hospital
& have a face-lift, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color

Finally she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.

Arriving in front of God, she asked,

"You said I had another 34 years 2 live.
Why didn't you save me from the truck?"

(You'll love this)
.

God replied:
"I couldn't recognize u"

Kan Ka Illaj Karo

Old Lady to Doctor: Mujhe Gas ki problem
hai par achhi baat ye hai ki meri gas mein
na BadBoo aati hai na Awaaz.
Aap k clinic mein bhi 20 dafa gas chhor
chuki hun per kisi ko pata nahi chala..
Doctor: "Ye Dawa lijiye aur 1 weekbaad
aayein" .
(1 week baad) .
Old Lady:"Aap ne mujhe kya dawa de di?
Meri gas mein ab bhi aawaz nahi aa rahi
par bahut Zehrili Badboo aa rahi hai" .
Doctor:"Good..! Aapki Naak theek ho gayi
hai Ab hum aap k KAAN kailaaj karenge...

"Go & iron it first"!!!!

An older lady visited her daughter and found her naked. She asked her why she is naked and she said it is 'the dress of love' for her husband.

The old lady decided to do same for her husband & wear 'The dress of love'. When the old man came from the farm, he found his wife naked. He asked her why she is naked & she said she is wearing 'The dress of love'.

The husband said to her calmly
"Go & iron it first"!!!!

Budhiya Bomb

1 terorist ne 1 budhiya k ghar me bomb rakh diya.
Log chillaye- Budhiya bomb h!
Budhiya bomb h!
Budhiya sharmakar boli- DHATT, Wo to me 'JAWANI' me thi. Ha,HA..

Mujhe Gas ki Problem Hai


Old Lady to Doctor: Mujhe Gas ki
problem hai
par achhi baat ye hai ki meri gas me
na
BadBu aati hai na
Awaaz.
Aap k clinic me bhi 20 dafa gas chhod
chuki
hu par kisi ko pata nahi chala..
Doctor: "Ye Dawa lijiye aur 1 week
baad
aayiye" .
(1 week baad) .
Old Lady:"Aap ne mujhe kya dawa de
di?
Meri gas me ab bhi aawaz nahi aa
rahi par
bahut Zehrili Badbu aa rahi hai" .
Doctor:"Good..! Aapki Naak theek ho
gayi hai
Ab hum aap k KAAN ka ilaaj
karenge...... :p:D:D:D:D:p