Strong Return On Investment!

Wife - Lets go for a dinner tonight.

Husband (HR Manager) - Ok.

Husband - Should we go to a sasta restaurant ? 

Wife - No. Let's go to Royal Palace hotel.

Husband - (silence for a minute) - Ok, See you at 7.O 'Clock.

On the way, around 6.30 pm...

Husband - Once time, I had pani puri competition with my sister and she ate 30 pani-puris and defeated me.

Wife - What's so difficult in it?

Husband - Defeating me in Pani-puri eating competition is so difficult.

Wife - I can easily beat you.

Husband - Please leave it. It's not your cup of tea.

Wife - Let us have that competition right now.

Husband - So you want to see yourself defeated?

Wife - Let's see.

They both stop at a Pani-puri stall and start eating...

After about 30 Pani-puris the husband gave up. 

The wife was also full, but to defeat her husband, she ate one more and shouted, "You lose."

The bill was Rs 50/- and wife was back home, happy with her bet win!

Moral of the Story...

Main aim of a HR Manager is to satisfy employee with minimum investments. Winning attitude with less investment, ensuring strong Return On Investment! 

Jaldi ghar aagaye

Anil road par nanga bhag raha tha.


Sunil ne usse rok kar poocha: Arre bhai aisa kyun kar rahe ho,
kyun nanga bhag rahe ho, tumhe sharam nahi aati?



Anil: Kyun ki aaj tum jaldi ghar aagaye, Issi liye.

Luka-Chhipi

Patni : Chalo luka-chhipi khelte hain. Agar tumne mujhe dhoondh liya to tum meri gaand maarna aur maine tumhein dhoondh liya to main tumhari gaand maarungi.

Pati : Lekin tum kaise gaand maarogi?

Patni : Hum shopping ke liye jaayenge na.

Serve Hot

Pappu ki Biwi came without any clothes in the drawing room
to serve Halwa to the guests.


Papu screamed: Beshram aurat, tu hosh mein to hai?


Wife: Woh jee recipe book mein aisa hi likha tha na "Serve Hot without any dressing, guests will enjoy."

Pappu to an Air Hostess:

Pappu to an Air Hostess:
Tumhara shakal Humare Biwi Se milta hai!"

Airhostess:
"Bakwas band kar kamine!"

Pappu:
"O terri...Zubaan bhi Milti!"

Happily 66 Years Married Life

I met a man who had been married for 66 years.

"Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy
marriage?"

"Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions...

 and the woman just makes the little decisions."

"Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?"

"Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!"

Men will be men....

A man takes his seat at a FIFA world cup final.

He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.

MAN: "who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"

GUY: "that was my wife's seat.
We have been to the last five world cup finals together,
but sadly she passed away."

MAN: "oh... that's terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat .. ..
but these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"

GUY: "no...
they are all at her funeral!"

Men will be men....

Suicide

Wife: Dear..do you remember what saree I was wearing when u came to see me...for the first time..

Husband: No..I don't remember..

Wife: see..u don't love me at all..

Husband: its not like that honey..
A person giving up his life on the railway track will not be checking whether it is shatabdi or Rajadhani 

Misaal-e-Hoor

Chali Jaati hai aaye din woh Beauty parlour me yoon,
Unka maqsad hai Misaal-e-Hoor ho jana,
.
.
.
Magar ye baat kisi BEGUM ki samajh me kyun nahi aati?
Ki mumkin hi nahi KISHMISH ka phir se ANGOOR ho jana!!

Jaise Tujhe Theek Lage!

Wife to her husband: I love you!
I can't live without you!
Mar Jaungi!
Mit Jaungi!
Jehar Pee Lungi!
Tere Pyaar Mein Fanna Ho Jaungi!
Husband: Dekh Le Jaise Tujhe Theek Lage!

Hamdardi

Biwi:
Jo Aadmi Roj Sharab Peekar Aaye Uske Liye 

Mere Mann Mein koi Hamdardi Nahi hai..! 😐

Pati :
Jisko Roj Sharab Mil jaye,

Use tumhari Hamdardi Ki Jarurat bhi nahi hai..

"Try Your Best Luck"

Husband : Yaar, Main Koi Bhi Kaam Karta Hu,
To Meri Biwi bich me Aa Jati Hai
Friend : Yaar,
Tu Truck Chalaa Kar Dekh,
Shaayad Kismat Saath De De...!
"Try Your Best Luck"

Proof....

Husband - mere paas proof hai tumhara chakkar parosan ke sath hai.
.
.

Husband- kaya proof hai batoo??
.
.

Wife- Uska husband Kal raat tumhara underwear pahankar aya tha.

Indian wife and Husband

French girl to her boyfriend:-
I’m feeling so horny
“Make love to Me”

German wife to her Husband:-
I’m so drunk
“Fcuk Me”

American girl to her Husband:-
I saw porn today
I’m ready.
“Take Me”

Indian wife to her Husband:-
Aaj maine sir pe tel lagaya hai, aur baby ne bhi mere upar shaam ko su-su kar dia tha… Agar kuch karna hai to kar lo,, sab nipta ke main ek hi baar Naha lungi..

Seven Qualities to be a perfect wife..

Seven Qualities to be a perfect wife:

Beautiful,
Responsible,
Energetic,
Adorable,
Sweet,
Truthful &
self-organized.

In short she must have
good B.R.E.A.S.T.S

Men will be Men....

Husband was sipping his whisky, while sitting in
the balcony with wife and he says,
"I love you so much, I don't know how I could
ever live without you."
Wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?"
Husband replies, "It's me..... talking to whisky."

Men will be Men....

Popat...

Husband accident me apna Popat gawa baitha....

Dr ne uski WIFE se kaha inko kutte ya ghode ka lagana padega....

Wife-Ghode ka laga do,Kutta to ghar me hai..

behan ka pati....

Biwi apne sharabi pati ko sudharne ke liye raat ko kale kapde pahan kar ghar ke bahar khadi ho gayi..... 
.
.
.
.
.
Pati- kon ho tum.......?
.
.
.
.
Biwi- Chudel....!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
Pati- Hath milaaa fir.... Mai Teri behan ka pati....

Perfect Wife....

Biwi ko Khus Rakhne ke Tarike