Biwi:
Jo Aadmi Roj Sharab Peekar Aaye Uske Liye
Jo Aadmi Roj Sharab Peekar Aaye Uske Liye
Mere Mann Mein koi Hamdardi Nahi hai..! 😐
Pati :
Jisko Roj Sharab Mil jaye,
Jisko Roj Sharab Mil jaye,
Use tumhari Hamdardi Ki Jarurat bhi nahi hai..
Showing posts with label DRUNK PEOPLE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DRUNK PEOPLE. Show all posts
Drinkers...
A Lady was conducting her anti drinking campaign outside a bar. A man came out of the Bar exuding alcohol fumes and the Lady said, "Reflect! If you arrive at the Gates of Heaven with your breath smelling of liquor, do you think the Lord will let you in?"
"My good woman," said the man, "when I go to Heaven I expect to leave my breath behind".
Didn't i tell you, drinkers are practical men !!!
Santa Qabristan Me..
Santa Qabristan Me Charas Pi Raha Tha
Police=Kya Kar Rahe Ho ?
Santa=Abbu K Liye Dua,
Police=Ye To Bachche Ki Qabr Hai
Police=Ye To Bachche Ki Qabr Hai
Santa=Abbu Bachpan Me Hi Mar Gaye The
Mahek Whisky ki...
Mahek Whisky ki kabhi kam nahi hoti,
.
.
.
Pine se Zindgi khatam nahi hoti..
.
.
.
.
.
Botal k sath ho agr Namkin or Gold flake,
..
..
To Zindgi SULTAN MIRZA se kam nahi hoti.
.
.
.
Pine se Zindgi khatam nahi hoti..
.
.
.
.
.
Botal k sath ho agr Namkin or Gold flake,
..
..
To Zindgi SULTAN MIRZA se kam nahi hoti.
Men will be Men....
Husband was sipping his whisky, while sitting in
the balcony with wife and he says,
"I love you so much, I don't know how I could
ever live without you."
Wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?"
Husband replies, "It's me..... talking to whisky."
the balcony with wife and he says,
"I love you so much, I don't know how I could
ever live without you."
Wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?"
Husband replies, "It's me..... talking to whisky."
Men will be Men....
Shaadi ke 2 saal baad
Shaadi ke 2 saal baad ek yuvati roti-roti apne maayke aaii
aur apni maa se boli – “mai us aadmi ke saath ab nahi rah sakti,
wah to har waqt nashe me rahta hai !”
Maa ne hairaani se kahaa – “yeh baat tu mujhe ab bataa rahi hai, shaadi ke 2 saal baad ?”
Yuvati – “ab tak mujhe bhi kahaan maaloom thaa ?
woh to kal wah bina piye ghar aa gaya, tab pataa chala …
aur apni maa se boli – “mai us aadmi ke saath ab nahi rah sakti,
wah to har waqt nashe me rahta hai !”
Maa ne hairaani se kahaa – “yeh baat tu mujhe ab bataa rahi hai, shaadi ke 2 saal baad ?”
Yuvati – “ab tak mujhe bhi kahaan maaloom thaa ?
woh to kal wah bina piye ghar aa gaya, tab pataa chala …
Daru testing formula...
Daru testing formula
Drink 1st peg and check the photo of ur wife in ur wallet
Drink 2nd peg and do the same thing
Drink 3rd peg and recheck
Drink 4th peg and recheck.
If ur wife starts looking beautiful, innocent & attractive, stop it there
and there itself. These are indications that u hve consumed alchohol more
than ur normal capacity and its time to go home.
and there itself. These are indications that u hve consumed alchohol more
than ur normal capacity and its time to go home.
Statutory warning
If ur wife starts looking beautiful, sexy and innocent in the 1st peg
itself, than u r checking some one else's wallet.
itself, than u r checking some one else's wallet.
Pretty Lady
A drunk man arrives late at home. He knows his wife won't open the door, so he decides to pretend he bought her flowers & knocks at the door.. ..
Wife: “Who is it ?”
Drunk: ”I bring flowers for the pretty lady.”
Wife opens the door & says: “Where are the flowers ?”
Drunk: “Where is the pretty lady ?”
Wife: “Who is it ?”
Drunk: ”I bring flowers for the pretty lady.”
Wife opens the door & says: “Where are the flowers ?”
Drunk: “Where is the pretty lady ?”
.....he is still recovering in the ICU.
OLD MAN
The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the Bar.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and a string hanging into the puddle.
A tipsy- looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' the old man said simply.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and a string hanging into the puddle.
A tipsy- looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' the old man said simply.
'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the Bar.
As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught?'
'You're the eighth,' the old man answered.
As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught?'
'You're the eighth,' the old man answered.
Story with a moral
Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff.
But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'
''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about
my Mom.
She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey,
a pistol and a survival knife.
my Mom.
She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey,
a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with
the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said
the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?
the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk......!!!!"
Whiskey and Wife
Have you ever heard about the device that converts your precious thoughts into speech....???
It's called 'WHISKEY'...!!!
.
Have you ever heard about the device that converts your precious speech into silence...???
Have you ever heard about the device that converts your precious speech into silence...???
It's called..."WIFE" ..!!!
Lecture on alcohol
Drunk man is stopped by the Police around 1 am. & is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol abuse & ill effects on my health."
Officer: Really....??? Sounds interesting, Who is giving that lecture at this time of night.....???"
...
Man replies "My Wife"!!!
The man replies, "I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol abuse & ill effects on my health."
Officer: Really....??? Sounds interesting, Who is giving that lecture at this time of night.....???"
...
Man replies "My Wife"!!!
Sharabi
Ek Sharabi Ke Haath JINN Lag
Gaya...
.
Jinn:" Koi 3 Wishes Maango..
.
Sharabi:" 1 Daaru Ki Bottle Jo Kabhi
Khatam Na Ho...
.
.
Jinn Ne Bottle Pesh Ki.....
. .
Sharabi Ne Bottle Milte Hi Peena
Shuru Kiya...
.
Jaise Hi Last Peg Glass Mein
Daala To
Bottle Phirse Bhar Gayi..
Sharabi
Khush,
Phir Peene Laga...
. .
Jinn Ne 2 Aur Wish Maangne Ko
Kaha...
.
.....
Sharabi Bahot Khush Hoke Bola:"
.
.
.
.
.
Aisi Hi 2 Bottle Aur De De..
Gaya...
.
Jinn:" Koi 3 Wishes Maango..
.
Sharabi:" 1 Daaru Ki Bottle Jo Kabhi
Khatam Na Ho...
.
.
Jinn Ne Bottle Pesh Ki.....
. .
Sharabi Ne Bottle Milte Hi Peena
Shuru Kiya...
.
Jaise Hi Last Peg Glass Mein
Daala To
Bottle Phirse Bhar Gayi..
Sharabi
Khush,
Phir Peene Laga...
. .
Jinn Ne 2 Aur Wish Maangne Ko
Kaha...
.
.....
Sharabi Bahot Khush Hoke Bola:"
.
.
.
.
.
Aisi Hi 2 Bottle Aur De De..
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See more blogs :
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Funny Things
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Funny Things
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Bahut Hil Rha hain
Santa daru pee ke Tala kholne laga, hath kapne ki vajah se tala nahi khula,
Banta - Mai khol du,
Santa - Mai khol lunga, Tu bas ghar ko pakad, sala bahut hil raha hai.
Banta - Mai khol du,
Santa - Mai khol lunga, Tu bas ghar ko pakad, sala bahut hil raha hai.
Kon Bada ??
Ek Sharabi Sarab Pee kar ghar jaa raha tha...
Raste main Mandir ke bahar Pujari dikha.
Sharabi ne pujari se poocha, sabse bada kaun?
Pujari ne peecha chudane ke liye kaha "Mandir Bada"..
Sharabi bola - Mandir bada to dharti pe kaise khada
Pujari : "Chalo bhai Dharti badi"
Sharabi : "Dharti badi to Sheshnaag pe kyun khadi"
Pujari : "Sheshnaag bada"
Sharabi : "Sheshnaag bada to Shiv ke gale main kyon pada"
Pujari : "Chalo bhai Shiv bada"
Sharabi : "Shiv bada to Parbat par kyon khada"
Pujari : "Parbat bada"
Sharabi : "Parbat bada to Hanuman ki ungli pe kyon pada"
Pujari : "Hanuman bada"
Sharabi : "Hanuman bada to Ram ki charno main kyon pada"
Pujari : "Ram bada"
Sharabi : "Ram bada to Ravan ke piche kyun pada"
Pujari : "Arey mere baap tu bata kaun bada"
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Sharabi : "Is duniya main wo bada jo Puri bottle pee ke apni taango pe khada"
Raste main Mandir ke bahar Pujari dikha.
Sharabi ne pujari se poocha, sabse bada kaun?
Pujari ne peecha chudane ke liye kaha "Mandir Bada"..
Sharabi bola - Mandir bada to dharti pe kaise khada
Pujari : "Chalo bhai Dharti badi"
Sharabi : "Dharti badi to Sheshnaag pe kyun khadi"
Pujari : "Sheshnaag bada"
Sharabi : "Sheshnaag bada to Shiv ke gale main kyon pada"
Pujari : "Chalo bhai Shiv bada"
Sharabi : "Shiv bada to Parbat par kyon khada"
Pujari : "Parbat bada"
Sharabi : "Parbat bada to Hanuman ki ungli pe kyon pada"
Pujari : "Hanuman bada"
Sharabi : "Hanuman bada to Ram ki charno main kyon pada"
Pujari : "Ram bada"
Sharabi : "Ram bada to Ravan ke piche kyun pada"
Pujari : "Arey mere baap tu bata kaun bada"
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Sharabi : "Is duniya main wo bada jo Puri bottle pee ke apni taango pe khada"
04th PEG
HUSBAND SENT A SMS TO WIFE :
" Thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever I am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming in my life and making it worth living. You're Great "
SHE REPLIED :
" Maar liya Na 4th Peg???
" Thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever I am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming in my life and making it worth living. You're Great "
SHE REPLIED :
" Maar liya Na 4th Peg???
ABCD
ABCD TO SABHI KO AATI HOGI..
AGAR AATI BHI HOGI TO AISI NAHI AATI HOGI
A- Antiquity
B- Black Label
C- Chivas Regal
D- Directors Special
E- Eight Pm
F- Fuel/Fosters
G-Green Label
H- Haywards
I- Imperial Blue
J-Johnny Walker
K-Kingfisher
L- Löndon Pilsner
M- McDowell No 1
N- Napolean Rum
O- Old Monk
P- Peter Scot
R- Royal Stag
S- Signature
T- Tequilla/ Teachers
U- Urrack
V- Vat 69
W- White Mischief
X- XXX rum
Y- Yankey
Z- Zingaro
Lage Raho .. Pee Pee Ke Pade Raho.. Cheers..
AGAR AATI BHI HOGI TO AISI NAHI AATI HOGI
A- Antiquity
B- Black Label
C- Chivas Regal
D- Directors Special
E- Eight Pm
F- Fuel/Fosters
G-Green Label
H- Haywards
I- Imperial Blue
J-Johnny Walker
K-Kingfisher
L- Löndon Pilsner
M- McDowell No 1
N- Napolean Rum
O- Old Monk
P- Peter Scot
R- Royal Stag
S- Signature
T- Tequilla/ Teachers
U- Urrack
V- Vat 69
W- White Mischief
X- XXX rum
Y- Yankey
Z- Zingaro
Lage Raho .. Pee Pee Ke Pade Raho.. Cheers..
Story with Moral
Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the Horrified Teacher.
'What did your Daddy Tell You was the Moral to this Horrible story ?
"Stay Away from Mommy When She's Drunk !!!
The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the Horrified Teacher.
'What did your Daddy Tell You was the Moral to this Horrible story ?
"Stay Away from Mommy When She's Drunk !!!
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