Santa Ek Bar Interview Dene Gaya
Boss: "What's Your Wife Name?"
Santa: "Sir, Preeto" Boss: "What's Her Whole Name?"
Santa Sochte Hue: "Sir, Hole Ka Naam To Rakha Nahi,
Par Main Pyar Se Fuddi Kehta Hoon"
Par Main Pyar Se Fuddi Kehta Hoon"
Showing posts with label Boss - Employee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Boss - Employee. Show all posts
Long Deewali Weekend
After a long Diwali weekend, the boss entered the board room and said, "Let's Start".
A half-sleepy employee..
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threw a 100 rupee note and said, "MERI SAU KI BLIND"!
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threw a 100 rupee note and said, "MERI SAU KI BLIND"!
Salary
Dear Onion, Dollar and Petrol;
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No matter how much you rise day
in and day out, I'll always never
change.
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Sincerely Yours,
Salary!
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No matter how much you rise day
in and day out, I'll always never
change.
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Sincerely Yours,
Salary!
Kitchen Problem
Joe was a house keeper who had this habit of drinking from his boss’s wine bottle and replacing it with water.
The boss, James, did suspect him but tolerated it for a while. But when this became a daily routine, James decided to do something to trap Joe.
Accordingly, James replaced his drink with a French wine which changed colour when water is added to it. Joe, not aware of the trap, took a few swigs and added water as usual. The wine changed colour from red to milky white. Joe realized he was in for trouble but was determined to get out of it.
James told his wife about Joe’s misdoings and that he would make Joe accept his follies. So he shouted: "Joe?"
Joe answered from the kitchen: “Yes boss?”
James: “Who drank my wine and added water in the bottle?”
There was no answer from the kitchen.
The boss repeated the question, still no answer.
The angry boss marched to the kitchen and threatened Joe, “What the hell is going on? When I call your name you respond with ‘Yes Boss’ and when I ask you a question, you remain silent. What impertinence!!”
Joe said: “It is like this. In the kitchen, you can hear only your name being called. You don’t hear anything else that is said, I swear.”
James: “How is that possible? All right, I will prove you wrong. You stay right here in the hall with Madam, I will go to the kitchen and you ask me a question, OK?”
So the boss went to the kitchen.
Joe shouted: “Boss?”
Boss: “Yes Joe?"
Joe: “Who becomes intimate with the maid in Madam’s absence?”
Silence - no reply.
Joe again: “Who made the maid pregnant?”
No reply.
Joe, yet again: “And who arranged for her abortion?”
James came running from the kitchen and said: "You are right Joe. When one is in the kitchen, one can’t hear anything but one’s name. That’s bloody strange!”?
The boss, James, did suspect him but tolerated it for a while. But when this became a daily routine, James decided to do something to trap Joe.
Accordingly, James replaced his drink with a French wine which changed colour when water is added to it. Joe, not aware of the trap, took a few swigs and added water as usual. The wine changed colour from red to milky white. Joe realized he was in for trouble but was determined to get out of it.
James told his wife about Joe’s misdoings and that he would make Joe accept his follies. So he shouted: "Joe?"
Joe answered from the kitchen: “Yes boss?”
James: “Who drank my wine and added water in the bottle?”
There was no answer from the kitchen.
The boss repeated the question, still no answer.
The angry boss marched to the kitchen and threatened Joe, “What the hell is going on? When I call your name you respond with ‘Yes Boss’ and when I ask you a question, you remain silent. What impertinence!!”
Joe said: “It is like this. In the kitchen, you can hear only your name being called. You don’t hear anything else that is said, I swear.”
James: “How is that possible? All right, I will prove you wrong. You stay right here in the hall with Madam, I will go to the kitchen and you ask me a question, OK?”
So the boss went to the kitchen.
Joe shouted: “Boss?”
Boss: “Yes Joe?"
Joe: “Who becomes intimate with the maid in Madam’s absence?”
Silence - no reply.
Joe again: “Who made the maid pregnant?”
No reply.
Joe, yet again: “And who arranged for her abortion?”
James came running from the kitchen and said: "You are right Joe. When one is in the kitchen, one can’t hear anything but one’s name. That’s bloody strange!”?
Tharki boss..
Tharki boss....
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Boss:" Itne kam kapade pehan k q aai ho ??
Aadha jism dikh raha hai...
Girl:" Itni salary mein ye hi aata hai..
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Boss to Manager:
" Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena...
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Boss:" Itne kam kapade pehan k q aai ho ??
Aadha jism dikh raha hai...
Girl:" Itni salary mein ye hi aata hai..
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Boss to Manager:
" Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena...
An increment!
A boss was educating an employee on effective sales technique.
“The main thing to remember is that repetition, repetition, repetition is the keynote!” he advised. “If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it in every possible way, cram it down people’s throats and beat them over the head with it! Above all, don’t ever forget to repeat and repeat and repeat! It’s the only way to get results!”
“Yes, sir!” the employee answered.
“And now, what was it you came in to see me about?” the boss asked.
The employee replied, “An increment! An increment! An increment! An increment! An increment! An increment! An increment!”
“The main thing to remember is that repetition, repetition, repetition is the keynote!” he advised. “If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it in every possible way, cram it down people’s throats and beat them over the head with it! Above all, don’t ever forget to repeat and repeat and repeat! It’s the only way to get results!”
“Yes, sir!” the employee answered.
“And now, what was it you came in to see me about?” the boss asked.
The employee replied, “An increment! An increment! An increment! An increment! An increment! An increment! An increment!”
life after Death?
Boss to an employee:
Do you believe in life after Death?
Employee:
Certainly not!
There's no proof of it, he replied.
Boss:
Well, there is now.
After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here looking for you.
Do you believe in life after Death?
Employee:
Certainly not!
There's no proof of it, he replied.
Boss:
Well, there is now.
After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here looking for you.
HR
After 2 years of selfless service, I realized that I had not been promoted, no salary increment, no commendation.
So I decided to walk up to my HR Manager. The manager looked at me, smiled and asked me to sit down saying: "My friend you have not worked here for even a single day."
I was shocked to hear this !!!, but the manager went on to explain, and here's the conversation that took place.
Manager: How many days are there in a year?
Me: 365 days and sometimes 366.
Manager: How many hours make up a day?
Me: 24 Hours.
Manager: How long do u work in a day?
Me: 10am to 6pm
(i.e 8 hours a day.)
Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?
Me: 8/24
i.e 1/3 (one third).
Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?
Me: 122
(1/3 x 366=122 days)
Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?
Me: No sir.
Manager: How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Me: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.
Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days
do u now have?
Me: 18 days.
Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?
Me: 4 days.
Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?
Me: No sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on Independance Day?
Me: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Me: 2 days Sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on New Years Day?
Me: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Me: 1 day sir!
Manager: Do u work on Diwali ?
Me: No Sir!
Manager: So how many days are left?
Me: None Sir!
Manager: So what r u claiming?
Me: I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing company
money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
(HR-HIGH RISK.)
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So, How many days do you work ?
So I decided to walk up to my HR Manager. The manager looked at me, smiled and asked me to sit down saying: "My friend you have not worked here for even a single day."
I was shocked to hear this !!!, but the manager went on to explain, and here's the conversation that took place.
Manager: How many days are there in a year?
Me: 365 days and sometimes 366.
Manager: How many hours make up a day?
Me: 24 Hours.
Manager: How long do u work in a day?
Me: 10am to 6pm
(i.e 8 hours a day.)
Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?
Me: 8/24
i.e 1/3 (one third).
Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?
Me: 122
(1/3 x 366=122 days)
Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?
Me: No sir.
Manager: How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Me: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.
Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days
do u now have?
Me: 18 days.
Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?
Me: 4 days.
Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?
Me: No sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on Independance Day?
Me: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Me: 2 days Sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on New Years Day?
Me: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Me: 1 day sir!
Manager: Do u work on Diwali ?
Me: No Sir!
Manager: So how many days are left?
Me: None Sir!
Manager: So what r u claiming?
Me: I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing company
money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
(HR-HIGH RISK.)
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So, How many days do you work ?
For all Employees"Must Read"
For all Employees"Must Read"
All of you who have seen the movie "A Wednesday".. will love these rephrased Naseerudin Shah Dialogue’s...
Manager:- Kaun ho tum..??? Kya pehchan hai tumhari ?
Unknown Employee: Kaun hoon main..!!! Mein woh hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Main woh hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta hai, Yeh soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchaan ne se inkar na kar de...
Main woh hoon jo, Aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se naa nikal de..
Main woh hoon jiski biwi use roz 10 bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? "
Mera haal poochhne ke liye ya kaam poochhne ke liye nahi,.. Balki woh yeh jaananaa chahti hai ki... Mein field mein kaam kar raha hun ya pressure mein aakar kahin baithkar daru pee raha hun...
Main woh hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. woh bhi time mil jaye to...
Main woh hoon jo aksar phasta hain.. Kabhi Interviews ke sawaal me phasta hai , Kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal me phasta hai, kabhi boss ke bawaal me fasta hai.
Walk-In interview ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne... Uss bheed me se koi bhi chehra chun lijie.. Main woh hoon..
I'm the….. JUST A STUPID EMPLOYEE.
All of you who have seen the movie "A Wednesday".. will love these rephrased Naseerudin Shah Dialogue’s...
Manager:- Kaun ho tum..??? Kya pehchan hai tumhari ?
Unknown Employee: Kaun hoon main..!!! Mein woh hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Main woh hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta hai, Yeh soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchaan ne se inkar na kar de...
Main woh hoon jo, Aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se naa nikal de..
Main woh hoon jiski biwi use roz 10 bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? "
Mera haal poochhne ke liye ya kaam poochhne ke liye nahi,.. Balki woh yeh jaananaa chahti hai ki... Mein field mein kaam kar raha hun ya pressure mein aakar kahin baithkar daru pee raha hun...
Main woh hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. woh bhi time mil jaye to...
Main woh hoon jo aksar phasta hain.. Kabhi Interviews ke sawaal me phasta hai , Kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal me phasta hai, kabhi boss ke bawaal me fasta hai.
Walk-In interview ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne... Uss bheed me se koi bhi chehra chun lijie.. Main woh hoon..
I'm the….. JUST A STUPID EMPLOYEE.
FUNNY INTERVIEW
Officer:" What Is Your Name ??
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" Tell Me Properly
Candidate:" Mohan Pal Sir
Officer:" Your Father's Name ??
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" What Does That Mean ??
Candidate:" Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer:" Your Native Place
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" Is It Madhya Pradesh ??
Candidate:" No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer:" What Is Your Qualification ??
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" (Angrily) What Is It ??
Candidate:" Metric Pass
Officer:" Why Do You Need A Job ??
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate:" Money Problem Sir
Officer:" Describe Your Personality
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate:" Mind-blowing Personality Sir
Officer:" This Discussion Is Now here, You May Go
Now
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" What Is It Now
Candidate:" My Performance... ??
Officer:" Mp !!!
Candidate:" What Is That Sir..???
Officer:" Mentally Puncture..:P :O :D ;) :P
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" Tell Me Properly
Candidate:" Mohan Pal Sir
Officer:" Your Father's Name ??
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" What Does That Mean ??
Candidate:" Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer:" Your Native Place
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" Is It Madhya Pradesh ??
Candidate:" No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer:" What Is Your Qualification ??
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" (Angrily) What Is It ??
Candidate:" Metric Pass
Officer:" Why Do You Need A Job ??
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate:" Money Problem Sir
Officer:" Describe Your Personality
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate:" Mind-blowing Personality Sir
Officer:" This Discussion Is Now here, You May Go
Now
Candidate:" M P. Sir
Officer:" What Is It Now
Candidate:" My Performance... ??
Officer:" Mp !!!
Candidate:" What Is That Sir..???
Officer:" Mentally Puncture..:P :O :D ;) :P
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