Testimonial

Motu : Interview kaisa hua?

Patlu : Interview to theek hua, lekin last mein woh english mein kuchh boli "Show me your testimonial".

Motu : To phir.

Patlu : Mujhe lagta hai ki main ghalat cheez dikha ke aa gaya hoon.

You're selected.

Interviewer: You're selected.

Me: Thank you

Interviewer: Do you have any questions?

Me: Haan sir, yeh reception waali ka number milega? 

Show me your testimonials

Santa: Interview kaisa hua?

Banta: Thik hua yaar, par aakhir mein woh angrezi me kuchh bola... "Show me your testimonials."

Santa: Toh Phir?

Banta: Mujhe lagta hai ki main galat cheez dikha ke aaya hoon..

Whole Name ?

Santa Ek Bar Interview Dene Gaya

Boss: "What's Your Wife Name?"

Santa: "Sir, Preeto" Boss: "What's Her Whole Name?"

Santa Sochte Hue: "Sir, Hole Ka Naam To Rakha Nahi,
Par Main Pyar Se Fuddi Kehta Hoon" 

Cute Answer

School mein admission ke liye interview:

Teacher : beta aapke papa kya karte hai ?
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Cute answer....
Boy : jo mummy bolti hai 

Santa ki English

Interviewer: Let me check ur english
tell me d opposite of good.?
Santa: Bad…….

Interviewer: Come
Santa: Go.

Interviewer: Ugly?
Santa: Pichhlli.

Interviewer: PICHLLI??????????
Santa: UGLY.

Interviewer: Shut Up.
Santa: Keep talking.

Interviewer: Ok, now stop all dis
Santa: Ok, now carry on all dis.

Interviewer: Abey, chup ho
ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaa.
Santa: Abey bolta ja..bolta ja..bolta ja.

Interviewer: Arey, yaar.
Santa: Arey dushman.

Interviewer: Get Out
Santa: Come In.

Interviewer: Oh my God.
Santa: Oh, my devil.

Interviewer: shhhhhhh
Santa: Hurrrrrrrrrrrrr rr

Interviewer: mere bap chup hoja
Santa: mere bete bolta reh

Interviewer: U are rejected
Santa: I m selected. Oye Bolo ta ra ra ra ra… hayo rabba!! 

FUNNY

These are few questions asked in HR interview! The answers are really stunning and inspiring. Thinking out of the box! A must read...

Question 1:
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it’s raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:

* An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
* An old friend who once saved your life.
* The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

He simply answered:
“I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.”

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to “Think Outside of the Box.”

Question 2:
What will you do if I run away with your sister?

The candidate who was selected answered ” I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir”

Question 3:
Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) – What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked.

Question 4:
Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied “Tea”
He got selected.

You know how and why did he say “TEA” when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.
(Answer: The question was “What is before you (U – alphabet) Reply was “TEA” ( T – alphabet)
Alphabet “T” was before Alphabet “U”

Question5;
Interviewer said “I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.

Think well before you make up your mind!” The boy thought for a while and said, “my choice is one really difficult question.”

“Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. “What comes first, Day or Night?”

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, “It’s the DAY sir!”

“How” the interviewer asked,

“Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!”

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Sometimes just thinking out of the box is all it takes!
Share with your friend and give them a special moment of thinking...!!

IAS INTERVIEW

Ek baar ek aadmi IAS interview k liye gya..

Interviewer:" Hmare desh ko ajadi kab mili ??

Man:" koshishe bahut pehle shuru ho gyi the par safalta 1947 me mili..

Interviewer:" azadi k ladai me kaun kaun involve tha ??

Man:" waese to kayi log involve the.. agar kisi ek ka naam lunga to baki ke sath nainsafi hogi..

Inteviewer:" bhrastachar india k main enemy hai ??

Man:" ek commitee is bare me research kar rahi hai.. jaese wo report degi mai jawab de dunga aapko..

sab bahut impress huye and uss aadmi se bahar baithne ko kaha aur ye bhi kaha k kisi ko questions na btaye kyuk sab se wohi ques puche jayenge..
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Bahar santa baitha hota hai wo uss aadmi se ques puchta hai to wo mana kar deta hai batane se..

to santa kehta hai:" achha to answers hi bata do..

aadmi sochta hai ques batane se mana kiya gya tha..
answer to bata hi skta hu..
wo sare answers bata deta hai..

Agli bari santa k hoti h.. wo andar jata hai..

Interviewers:" tum kab paida huye..???

Santa:" koshishe bahut pehle se shuru kar di thi par safalta 1947 me mili..

Interviewers:" tmhare pita ka naam kya hai ??

Santa:" iss kaam me kayi log involve the agar kisi ek ka naam liya to baki logo k sath nainsafi hogi..

Sab shock ho jate hai..

Interviewers:" tum pagal ho ??

Santa:" ek committee is bare me research kar rahi hai.. jaese wo apni reports degi mai aapko jawab de dunga...

ANJILINA JOLIE TAI

One mind blowing interview

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I ...am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology.

Interviewer : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it ..
What happened is – due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him ‘baap’) – “I can not invest so much of money”.(The baap actually said – “I will never waste so much of money on you”). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name – BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it ? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot.. I think they should ban it .

Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate : No, no… I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it . In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.

Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing ‘lower’ education it self was so much of pain!!

Interviewer : Let’s talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platforms. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer : And which languages have you used?
Candidate : Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate : It is a common sense – C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up w it h a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it . But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer : What is your general project experience?
Candidate : My general experience about projects is – most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata Info Tech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn’t be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important – I know few words like – ‘Showstoppers ‘ , ‘hot fixes’, ‘SEI-CMM’, ‘quality’, ‘version control’, ‘deadlines’ , ‘Customer Satisfaction’ etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate : Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand..
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress Code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there are Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don’t mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don’t have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer : he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section ‘Stress Management’ in the HRD of Infosys.

So Excellence is not the only thing Needed. Its the Unique Quality of a Person which can let anyone to Success. Work on Your own Field rather then following somebody else's Path
Share this Story with your Friends and Inspire People ....

Teri Ma Ki Aankh........

Ek Ladki interview denay gai
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Boss : batao wo konsi cheez hai
jis k 2 tyres hotay hain ??
Ladki : bike !
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Boss: nahi, hOnda bike chAlo ek
aur sawal,
Wo konsi cheez hai jis k 4 tyres
hotay
hain ??
Ladki : car ! Boss : nhi, toyota car
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Ladki: Chal ab tu mere sawal ka
jawab de.! :@
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Wo konsi cheez hai jo dikhney
mai white hai aur beech mai kala
anda hai.....??
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Boss : hehehe !! Ankh.
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Ladki : nahi Saale, teri MAA ki
ankh :o ;) :P