GANPAT-RAI

A Bihari GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher, Colonel Smith.

Col. Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai) !!

Bihari: Nahi sir, Zyada nahi!!

Col. Smith: Kya 'zyada nahi' bolta hai, tumhara application mein likha Hua hai 
Gand fat rahai.

Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga.

Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)?

Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!!

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aao, kya 'kabhi kabhi' bolta hai? Tumhara 
application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai.

Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marta honga.

The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith's family asks him to do.

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!

Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.

Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai

Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar

Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)...baad mein 

hamaari biwi ko chodenga...aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga.

Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.

Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega.

Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga.���

Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ....jo hukum. After a few days There is no one except

Col.Smith'swife at home. She is alone in her bedroom.While wearing her bra she is unable to Tie the knot behind.So......

Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?

Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin.

Wife : Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro-tie the bra knot).

Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin??

Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai.

Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge.

Wife : Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.

Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum. Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull. Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts :

Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!!

Ganpatrai :Memsaab...Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega hiiiiiiiiiii

Good News

A MAN WAS WORKING IN Abroad, AND DID NOT MEET HIS
wife for four (4) years while his wife was in .
At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his
colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.
His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy
event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...
The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the
wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.
The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"
The man explained, "If its the second neighbor who has taken
care,then the name would be "DWIVEDI";
If it is the third neighbor then it would
be "TRIVEDI",
If it is the fourth neighbor then it
would be "CHATURVEDI" ;
If its the fifth neighbor then it would
be "PANDEY"...
After listening to this, questions followed.
What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
"Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...
And what if the wife is too shy to tell
the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be "SHARMA"...
But what if she refuses to divulge the
name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...
If she does not remember the name then?
"It is YAAD-AV"
But who knows whether the child resulted
from a rape?
Then it will be named "DOSHI"...
Finally, if the child happened because
of wife's burning desire?
Then he will be named "JOSHI"...
And if the whole country had made efforts
for the happy arrival?....
"DESHPANDEY. "

Lalu

After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture.
To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a herd of
buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for
the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS
THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left"

Lalu Ka English Course...

Bill Clinton decided to teach" Laloo English,so he invited him over to the US. Laloo arrives in full grandeur. Bill announces to the nation that they should not be disturbed during the tution inside the White house, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo English. Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming out.

The whole country and its economy has come to a standstill, and press,news reporters from allover the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the outcome. At last one day, the door opens, and out comes Laloo -beaming his resplendant white smile, looking cool and unruffled. However,
Bill looks totally dazed,his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled, and he has scratch marks all over his face.
Theshocked reporters ask Bill, "What happened Mr.Clinton ?"
Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai !"

pharin delegation

Laallooo Prasad Yadav gave a speech to "pharin delegation" from Amrika. The topic of the speech was COWW

What is a Cow :-
HE IS THE COW. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, (but will do so when he is got child.). He is same like - God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. (Horses don"t have any such attachment.)

Use of a cow :-What can it do? Various - ghee, butter, cream, curd, and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. Also, his other motion... (gobar) is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making Pizza that can be used for heating oneself in winter. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chews with his teeth who are situated in the inside of the mouth.

Tailing a cow :- 
He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies, which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he, gives hit with it.
I am now ending this fastly. My God blast you! Thank you and thank God I am finished. Jay Hind!"

Killer English

Bihar school Teacher's killer English:
1. Pick up the paper n fall in the dust-bin !
2. Both of you three .. stand together separately !
3. Will u hang that calendar or I'll "HANG MYSELF!"
4. Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father !
5. Why are you looking at the monkey outside when I am in the class...?
6. I have TWO daughters: both are girls.
7. Stand in the middle of the corner !
8. The boy behind the last boy, please stand up...!!

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See more blogs :

Lord Hanuman 
Download Devotional Bhajans / Mantra / Aarti Etc

Jalaram bapa 

Lord Ganesha 
Funny Things 
Indian God Wallpaper
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R.I.P. ENGLISH

R.I.P. ENGLISH

"Sir/Madam, 
I am one young gentleman living only with myself in Patna . 
I want to advertise for marriage purpose on your metro wala page. 
So I decide to press myself on u and I am hopping you will make the marriage with me.
I am the son of my father & mother of agriculture family from inside Patna.
I having no sister and no brother also. I become big in Patna only. 
I educate myself in the Zuarilal Himmatlal High School, Bezna Road.
I am nice and big, six foots tall and six inches long. 
My body is filled with hardness why because I am working hardly.
I am playing also hardly. Especially I am liking the cricket.
I am a good batter also I am fast baller. Whenever I am coming running for the balling, all batters are running everywhere why because they are afraiding my balls. 
My balls are bouncing too much high. That is very danger for them.
I am very nice gentleman. I always laughing loudly at everyone. 
I am happy always and gay also. Ladies they are saying I am nice and soft because I giving respect to them. 
I am always liking if ladies are on top. That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits. I drink milk only and no other bad things.
I am not chewing cigarettes or eating gutka paan why because it not good for all the peoples. So I am not doing so.
I am keep fitting everyday. Morning I am going to jim and I am pumping like anything. 
Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can came and see how I pumping the dumb bells in the jim.
And now good muscles are come outing everywhere.
I am having very much money in my pant everyday and my pant is everyday open for you why because I am nice gentleman, but still I am living with myself only. 
What to do? So I am taking my things into my own hands everyday. 
That is why I want to press myself on you, so that you will come and take my things into your hands.

please please post myself on your page"

Indian Rock..

Indian Rock.. 

Obama to Laalu you Know swiming.. ??

Laalu:" No..

Obama Tere se to kutta accha hai jo swim kar leta hai..

Laalu Tumko aata hai ??
.
.
Obama:" Yeah!
.
.
.
Laalu:" Sasura Fir tohre me aur Kutta me fark kaa..??    

Lalu

Air Hostes to Lalu Prasad :- Sir, are you vegetarian
or non- vegetarian?
Lalu:- I am INDIAN!
.
.
.
Air Hostes:- No sir! Are you shakahari or
masahari?
Lalu:- Na re sasuri,, I am BIHARI!!:

B For.....

In Bihar
Vimla = Bimla
Vinita = Binita
Van = Ban
Wire = Bire
.
Par hadd to tab hui jab DULHE KI car pe sticker tha
.
Rakesh BEDS Geeta

GANPAT RAI

This is the ultimate ...you would almost die laughing!!

Due to the way our Hindi was pronounced by the Britishers and the Anglo Indians too, this actually comes across as a bit 'dirty' but if you try hard and get the accent right, you will have a laugh!!
Not a non veg joke

Poor Bihari villager named GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher Colonel Smith

Col.Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai)!!

Bihari: Nahi sir, jyada nahi!! (very nervously)

Col. Smith: Kya 'jyada nahi' bolta hai, tumhara application mein likha hua hai Gand fat rahai (in anger)

Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga (innocently surrendered under the accented understanding)

Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai...??
(tum delhi me rahta hai)?? (general enquiry)

Bihari: Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi! (very innocently)

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo, kya 'kabhi kabhi' bolta hai...Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum daily marata hai.(yet again, enquiry in anger)

Bihari : Theek hai mai baap, likha hai to marata honga.

The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith's family asks him to do. (innocently surrendered under the accented understanding)

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!

Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.

Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai

Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar

Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari biwi ko chodo (drop her off)... baad mein hamaari beti ko chodo... aur uske baad mein hum ko chodo. (delieverables for the day)

Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, aapki biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.
(hmmm, yeh kya karne ko bol raha hai angrej ki aulad )

Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega. (angry )

Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.
(na, mere maalik na )

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga. (naukri daaav par lag gayee hai ab to !)

Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ....jo hukum. (finally wilfully surendered)

After a few minutes Col.Smith's wife is alone in her bedroom. While wearing her bra she is unable to tie the knot behind. So......

Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?

Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin.

Wife : Gand fatrahai, hamara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro- tie the bra knot)

Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai....Maalkin??

Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai.

Ganpatrai: Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Sarkar ne to chodne ke liye kaha tha...Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge.

Wife: Gand fatrahai, pahle gaand maro phir chodna.. Aur agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.

Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum.

Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull.

Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts...
GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!!

Ganpatrai : Memsaab...
gaand maarega to gaand to phatega he..

Lallo Ka Biodata

Laloo sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA

A few days later he got this reply:

"Dear Mr. Laloo,

We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements.

Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks"
Laloo jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a party and when all the guests had come,

he said: "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."
Everyone was delighted.

Laloo continued...... "Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa - par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi
main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo ..... Pyare Laloo bhaiyya
We are sorry ....... humse galti ho gayee
to intimate you that ......... .aapko yeh batana hai ki
You do not meet ............. .aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ..... humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence ---- ab Letter vetter bhejne
ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ....... phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ... bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ......... aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyawaad

Sher ka Baccha

Ek bar lalu yadhav aapne bhashan me kahata hai,
Lalu:mai sher ka baccha hu !
uspar raj thakare comment karta hai
Raj thakare:sher ghar aaya tha ya maa jungle me gayi thi.

Lalu

Lalu-murkh aadmi ki biwi bahut sunder hoti h
Rabdi-aapk paas to hamr tarif k alawa kono kaam hi nahi hai...

Dabangg effect

Sir: lallu tumhare sare ans galat hai,
marks de to kahan..

Lallu: KAMAL KARTE HO MASTERJI,MARKS HI TO MANG RAHE HAI,CHUP CHAP DE DO WARNA THAPPAD MAR K B LE SAKTE HAI.

Sir: Badtamiz kya bak rha hai..

Lallu: BADTAMIZ SE YAAD AYA MASTERJI, APKA BETA KAISA HAI..

Sir: Gadhe,nikal ja class se!

Lallu:CHUP CHAP SE MARKS DE DO MASTERJI,WARNA ANS PAPR ME ITNE CHHED KARENGE, KI CONFUSE HO JAOGE KI MARKS KAHA DE AUR ZERO KAHAN!!

Bijli

Bihari Aurat Cheque Cash karane gai 
Clerk- Sign karo
Aurat- Kaise?
Clerk- Jaise Khat k end me likhti ho.
Aurat ne likha-
"TOHAR CHUMMA KE INTEJAR Me, BiiiJLi.!