GANPAT-RAI

A Bihari GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher, Colonel Smith.

Col. Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai) !!

Bihari: Nahi sir, Zyada nahi!!

Col. Smith: Kya 'zyada nahi' bolta hai, tumhara application mein likha Hua hai 
Gand fat rahai.

Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga.

Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)?

Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!!

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aao, kya 'kabhi kabhi' bolta hai? Tumhara 
application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai.

Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marta honga.

The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith's family asks him to do.

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!

Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.

Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai

Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar

Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)...baad mein 

hamaari biwi ko chodenga...aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga.

Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.

Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega.

Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga.���

Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ....jo hukum. After a few days There is no one except

Col.Smith'swife at home. She is alone in her bedroom.While wearing her bra she is unable to Tie the knot behind.So......

Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?

Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin.

Wife : Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro-tie the bra knot).

Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin??

Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai.

Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge.

Wife : Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.

Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum. Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull. Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts :

Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!!

Ganpatrai :Memsaab...Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega hiiiiiiiiiii

Santa V/S Nurse

Santa ek din ek nurse ke saath sex kar raha tha.

Nurse chillai ki dard ho raha hai.

Santa: "Sali, khud wahan injection lagati hai jahan hole hi nahi hai, aur tujhe Hole mein dard ho raha hai"

Testimonial

Motu : Interview kaisa hua?

Patlu : Interview to theek hua, lekin last mein woh english mein kuchh boli "Show me your testimonial".

Motu : To phir.

Patlu : Mujhe lagta hai ki main ghalat cheez dikha ke aa gaya hoon.

Reaction After Sex

Sex ke baad aurton ke alag alag reaction

Call girl : Chal nikal.

Girl friend : Shaadi kab karoge.

Padosan : Phir kab aaoge.

Biwi : An 3-4 din mat bolna.

Kaamwali Bai : Ab to pagaar badha do saab.

Taang utha ke di

Sharma ji ki party mein verma ji ke paas Mrs. Sharma aakar boli:
"Bhai sahab aapne to kuchh liya hi nahi" aur yeh keh kar ek chicken ka leg piece uthakar unki plate mein rakh diya.
.
.
Party khatm hone par Mr. Sharma ne Verma ji se poochha "Khana kaisa laga"
.
.
Verma ji: "Badhiya, par end mein bhabhi ji ne jo taang utha ke di maza aa gaya."

12 inch ka ghoda

Baadshah Akbar ke paar ek 12 inch ka chhota sa, pyara sa ghoda tha.

Birbal: Jahan panahaapko yeh ghoda kahan se mila?

Akbar: Ek baba ne diya tha. Jo bhi maango woh de dete hain.

Birbal: Main bhi baba ke paas jaaunga.

Akbar: Jao par khayal rahe ki baba ek hi muraad poori karte hain aur ooncha sunte hain.

Birbal baba ke paas se jab laut kar aaye to akbar ko bataya
"Maine baba se ek bori heere maange the aur baba ne mujhe ek bori kheere de diye"

Akbar: "To tumne kya socha tha ki main baba se 12 inch ka ghoda maanga tha."

RAN OVER MY FROG

A little boy walks into a whore house with a $100 bill and a dead frog.
He goes to the pimp and asks for the ho with the most
 venerial diseases.
The pimp is surprised but gives the boy his ho.
After the boy does his deed, the pimp asks why 
he wanted the ho with all the venerial diseases.
The boy answers: When I go home, I will get a babysitter while my parents go out to eat and I'll f**k her.
When my parents get home, my dad will drive the sitter home and screw her in the car. Tonight, my parents will f**k . Tomorrow, after my dad leaves for work, my mom will do the mailman, 
AND THAT THE SON Of A BITCH WHO RAN OVER MY FROG !!!!! 

10 inch BIC

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" 
and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter 
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." 
The first man asks "Can I make a wish? "
Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly
cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and
asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " 
The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds 
later a million
ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other "
Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesn't he?" 
The other man replies "
I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC" 

Utha kya

*in the morning*

She: Utha kya?

He: WTF how do you know?

She: Matlab?

He: Umm..vo..

She: Tu utha kya puch rahi hu kutte.

Proof....

Husband - mere paas proof hai tumhara chakkar parosan ke sath hai.
.
.

Husband- kaya proof hai batoo??
.
.

Wife- Uska husband Kal raat tumhara underwear pahankar aya tha.

Show me your testimonials

Santa: Interview kaisa hua?

Banta: Thik hua yaar, par aakhir mein woh angrezi me kuchh bola... "Show me your testimonials."

Santa: Toh Phir?

Banta: Mujhe lagta hai ki main galat cheez dikha ke aaya hoon..

Branch...

Ladka pahli bar Callgirl ke pas gaya,
Nabhi me Lund dalne laga.

Cgirl: Bhosdike mere se 2 Dukan to sambal nahi rahi,
Or tu 
Teesri Branch khol raha he

03 Nights Story

A boy is telling proudly to his close friend as to what he did with his girlfriend whom he took to a hotel room for three consecutive nights.

Boy to his friend, "First day I took out her clothes waited for some time and we came back."

Friend asks him, "Only this much? Why?

Boy replies, "Because, she should not feel that I do not have courage to undress her."

Boy further tells his friend, "Second day, I undressed her and also undressed my self, and then we came back."

Friend again asked him, "Really? That's all?

Boy replies, "Yeah. Because, she should not feel that I can not control myself".

Boy further reports to his friend, "On third and last day, I undressed her, then I undressed myself, then I masturbated and we came back immediately."

Friend shockingly asks him, "No sex with her at all? Why?"

Boy replies, "Yeah. Because she should not feel that I can not manage with out her.

Seven Qualities to be a perfect wife..

Seven Qualities to be a perfect wife:

Beautiful,
Responsible,
Energetic,
Adorable,
Sweet,
Truthful &
self-organized.

In short she must have
good B.R.E.A.S.T.S

Popat...

Husband accident me apna Popat gawa baitha....

Dr ne uski WIFE se kaha inko kutte ya ghode ka lagana padega....

Wife-Ghode ka laga do,Kutta to ghar me hai..

Biwi ko Khus Rakhne ke Tarike

Charge ....

Ek Ladki doctor ke paas gayi aur boli:

 meri Vagina me mobile chala gaya hai aur char din se vibration mode me hai..

Doctor : achchha mai ise nikaal deta hu..

Ladki: Nikalwana nahi hai

Only battery charge karwana hai...

Swimming...

Ek Ladki Swimming Pool Par Nahane Gayi Aur Guard Se Puchha.

Ladki: "Kya Main Yahaan Bikini Pahan Kar Tair Sakti Hoon?"

Guard: "Ji Bilkul Bhi Nahi"

Ladki Ne Ye Suna, Muskurayi Aur Saare Kapde Aur Bra-Panty Utari,

Aur Swimming Pool Mein Kood Gayi.

typewriter

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it.

They decided on the word "typewriter".

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."

The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, who returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand

Thermometer..

Nurse: Aapko To Tej Bhukhar Hai,
Thermometer Garmi Se Fool Gaya Hai.

Santa:Bhen ki lodi,
Tu Nurse Hai K Raand?
Tu ne Thermometer Nahi Mera Lavda Pakad Liya Hai