Old Lady

An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years,

until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.

They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said "Butter - 10 francs".

In response, the lady added a sign to her own window, "Butter - 9 francs".

The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign, "Butter - 8 francs".

Sure enough, the day after the lady's sign now read "7 francs".

This went on for a while, until eventually one of the lady's customers pointed to the sign and said,

"Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete."

In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered,

"Monsieur, I don't even sell butter."

SANSKRITI...

Ladka Aur Ladki PED Ke Pichhe Baithe The.

OLDMAN: Beta Kya Yahi Humari ‘SANSKRITI’ Hai.?

BOY: Nahi Uncle, Ye To ‘ANJLI’ Hai,

Aap Kisi Aur PED Ke Pichhe Dekh Lo.

Dada - Pota

DADAJI :- Beta jaa pani le aa,
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1st Pota : Main nhi jaa skta game khel raha hu, grin emoticon
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2nd pota : Rehne do DADA JI ye toh  hai hi Battamiz, :|
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Aap khud hi jaa kar le aao or mere liye bhi le ana 

ENEMIES

All of us should live so long as to become this kind of old man!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes.
"Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply,
"I outlived all them arseholes" - and he calmly returned to his seat.

Aroma of Mistress

There was once an Irish actor who did Shakespearean plays, but had aged and could no longer remember his lines! After many years, he finds himself in the Halifax Theater in Canada , where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. 
The director says "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The Irish actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he was practicing his line over and over again.
Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried "You have ruined me!"
The Irish actor was bewildered "What happened, did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"

OLD MAN

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the Bar.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and a string hanging into the puddle.
A tipsy- looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' the old man said simply.

'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the Bar.
As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught?'
'You're the eighth,' the old man answered.

Seniors Guide to SEX :

Seniors Guide to SEX :

Put on your glasses.
Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.
Set timer for 10 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!
Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
Keep extra Polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
Don't Even Think About Trying It Twice !!!

Jawani Ke Din

Ek Dada Dadi Ne Jawani K
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Dino Ko Yaad Karne Ka Faisla
Kiya...
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Agle Din Dada Phool Le Kar Wahi Pahucha Jaha Wo
Jawani Me Mila Karte The,
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Waha Khade-2 Dada K Pairo
Me Dard Ho Gaya Lekin Dadi
Nahi Aayi...
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Ghar Ja Kar Dada Gusse Se:
"Aayi Kyo Nahi...???"
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Daadi Sharmate Hue: "Mummy Ne Aane Hi Nahi Diya... 

Panch

Pintu: Daadi neend nahi aa rahi.
Hum baate kare.
Daadi: thik he.

Pintu : Daadi kya hum hamesha 5 hi rahenge?
Aap, Mom, Dad,Main aur Behen.

Daadi : Nahi beta aapki shaadi ho jayegi toh 6 ho jayenge.

Pintu : Fir behen chali jayegi shaadi karke toh fir 5 ho jayenge.

Daadi : Beta fir aapka beta ho jayega toh 6 ho jayenge.

Pintu : Fir aap mar jaaogi toh hum wapas se 5 ho jayenge.

Daadi : Kaminne, kutte haramkhor Soja chup chap

budha Budhi Ki Kahani:

budha Budhi Ki Kahani:
'
1 budha aya
saath me 1 budhiya ko laya
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Hotel me ja k waiter ko bulaya
'
Dono ne apna-apna order mangaya
'
Pehle budhe ne khaya budhiya ne pankha hilaya
'
Fir budhiya ne khaya budhe ne pankha hilaya
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Ye dekh k Waiter sharmaya aur
usne farmaya
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Aaye Laila Majnu k Maa Baap
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Tum dono me itna pyar hai to khana 1 sath kyu
nahi khaya....??
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Iss par budhe ne farmaya!!!
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Beta tera sawal to nek hai
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Par hamare pas Daanto ka set sirf
ek hai..

Grandma

One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up.
Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"
Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Lulu told her that the
police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,"
Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line
asking for information from all the prostitutes.
When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at
your age? How do you do it old girl?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out,
rip the skin back and suck em' dry.

Pappu ki Karamat

Pappu darwaze ki bell bajane ki koshish kar Raha tha..
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1 buzurg ne dekha or bell bajadi or bola:" Beta Aur Kuch ??
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Pappu:" Ab bhag buddhe Pata nhi kis ka ghar hai...     

Grandma

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed, ' she replied..

' Well, strip down to your waist, ' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ' No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk. '

I know, ' she said, ' I'm his Grandma....

SMILE

Dadaji: Beta zara mere daant lana
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Pota: Lekin abhi roti to paki nahi hai
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Dadaji: Abe, Roti ko mar goli samne wali budiya smile de rahi hai :-D :v :p