Bhagwan Vs Bhakta


Pappu Ke Papa


Ek shaitan baccha
unknown
number se call karta hai..
.
.
ek aadmi uthata hai..
Aadmi:"
Hello..
Baccha:" Ullo pullo kullo !!
Aadmi:" Kaun hai be ??
Baccha:" Ek Insan
Aadmi:" Wo pata hai
naam
bol??
Baccha:" Main ek ganda
bacha
hu !
Aadmi:" Teri to esi ki
tesi
Kahaan rehta hai tu ??
Baccha:" Prithvi pe..
Aadmi:" Wo to pata hai,
phone
kyu kiya ??
Baccha:" Tujhe
pareshankarne
ke liye
Aadmi:" Ruk saale..
apne baap ko bula!
Chhakke ki
aulaad..
Baccha:" Hello papa,
main
pappu... :p >:O :D

Bolo Tarara


Two seater helicopter Punjab ke gaon me gira..
Gaon ke sare Sardar raahat kaarya me jut gaye aur 600 dead bodies bahar nikaal laye..
.
.
.
Saala samjh nahi aaya aisa konsa helicopter tha jisme 600 log sawar they ??
.
.
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Baad me pata chala Helicopter
Qabristan me gira tha....
Bolo tara ra ra. :D :D :P

ACP Praduman: Daya, khooni andar hai main kehta hu darwaza tod do..;) :p


Bush: Osama mile toh use fod do!!!

Gandhi: Hinsa achi baat nhi, use chod do!

Einstein: Samay rukta nhi, to use mod do!

Manmohan: ...

Sonia: desh k liye mujhe vote do. :p

Arnold Schwarzenegger:­ Biceps build karne k liye uspar load do!

Bill Gates: Windows unlock karne k liye use code do!

Rajnikanth: oye admin ! mere karname duniya k samne lana chodhh do

And d best 1
.
ACP Praduman: Daya, khooni andar hai main kehta hu darwaza tod do..;) :p


"Awesome Reply By Boy"


"Awesome Reply By Boy"
One day a Boy and Girl meet after their
breakup...

GIRL : I heard u found some one new?

BOY : Yes & she is Really Good Girl :)

GIRL :Oh really? Can She make you"Smile" like I
do?

BOY : "NO, BUT SHE NEVER MAKES ME"CRY" LIKE
U DO"

GIRL : *Spechhless

Mayawati


God:" What do you want ??

Boy:" A very beautiful girl..

God:" If you are muslim, I'll give you "Katrina".

If you are hindu, I'll give you "Kareena"
.
If you are sikh, I'll give you "Anushka" and

if you are christian, I'll give you "Genelia"
.
.
What's your name ??

Boy:" Abdul Vijay Singh Fernandes..

.
God to his angel: "Mayawati" de saale ko, jyada smart ban raha hai..

Ek Thi Dayan


Kya time aa gaya hai..
Boys ke liye film bani to
" Ek Tha Tiger" >=)
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Girls ka number aaya to
"Ek thi daayan" =)) X_X =)) =)) :p

Zang Lag Gya Hian


Girl:"Doctor mere lips pe
infection ho gaya hai. :(
.
.
Doctor:"KISS kitni baar karti
ho.. ??:/
.
.
Girl:"Saal mein 1 baar.:*
.
.
Doctor:"Infection nahi “ZANG”
lag gaya hai.:p :O =)) =D =)) :* :* :* \=

Dil Ka Operation


Girl:" Aaj mere dil ka operation hai..
.
.
Boy:" pata hai..
.
.
Girl:" I love u..
.
.
Boy:" mai b bahot pyar kartahun tumse..
.
.
operation k baad jab ladki kohosh aaya to sirf uska baap khada tha..
.
.
Girl:" wo kahan hai.. ??
.
Father:" tumhe nahi pata tumhe dil kisne diya.. ??
.
Girl:"what ??
Aur zor zor se rone lagi..
.
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Father:" mazak kar raha hun Kamina bahar Samose Kha raha hai....:p >:O :D LOL

PJ


Question : You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it ?

...
Scroll down
,

,

,

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER........­using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette

another deadly answer. Scroll down a little

...

...

...

Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down...

...

...

...

Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)

"TIP TIP barsa Pani.

Pani ne aag lagayee."

us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee"...

...

...

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down

Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalney lage gi"

Searching for me ?....I am also searching for the person who sent it to me!!! =)) :)

Shana Boy


A boy went to a shop with his mother.

The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle with sweets and said 'Dear Child..u can take the sweets...

But the child didnt take.

The shop keeper was surprised.. such a child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle. Again he said take the sweets...

Now the mother also heard that and said.. take the sweets dear..
Yet he didnt take...

The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets... he himself took the sweets and gave to the child. The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets.

While returning home the Mother asked the child...

Why didnt you take the sweets, when the shop keeper told you to take?...

Can you guess the response:

Child replies... Mom! my hands are very small and if i take the sweets i can only take few.. but now you see when uncle gave with his big hands.... how many more sweets i got!

When we take we may get little but when God gives... HE gives us more beyond our expectations. ..more than what we can hold..!!
Stay Blessed .

Student Vs Teacher


Teacher : Ok class; let us show the principal and our guests how much we have learnt so far dis year! Let’s do comparisons .... So if I say small, you say small, smaller, smallest.

[Students nod]

Teacher : Big

Class : “Big, Bigger, Biggest.” ....

Teacher : “clean.”

Class : “clean, cleaner, cleanest.

Teacher : “tall.”

Class : “tall, taller, tallest.

Teacher [smiles] :”very good!!!

Class : “very good, very.........................

Hypothetically


An American Family-
Youngest Son: Dad, whats d diff btwn 'hypothetically' & 'reality'?

Dad turns to wife: Would u sleep with Tom cruis for 1 million?

Wife: Of course! I would never waste such an opportunity.

Then Dad asks daughter: Would u sleep with Tom cruis for 1 Million?

Daughter: Yes He s my fantasy!

Dad asks elder son: Would u sleep with, Tom cruis for 1 million?

Elder Son: Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money!

Father turns to his younger son: You see son, 'Hypothetically' we r sittin wid 3 millionaires,
but in 'Reality' we r living wid 2 prostitutes & 1 gay Bastard

गुरुजी दुसर्‍या रांगेतली चौथ्या बाकावरची


मास्तर: मुलानो आताचा तास ऑफ आहे तुम्हाला काय आवडेल ते करा.... बंड्या तुला काय आवडते रे....?
बंड्या: गुरुजी मला कविता आवडते...
मास्तर: अरे वा छान छान कुठली कविता आवडते रे बंडू....?
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बंड्या: गुरुजी दुसर्‍या रांगेतली चौथ्या बाकावरची....!!!!

BANIYA COLLECTION*



Read Carefully

1. Baniya: Yeh banana kaise diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Baniya : 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chhilka
milega.
Baniya : Le 40 paise, chilka rakh
aur kela de de.
2. Baniya on his deathbed.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife: Yes, I'm here
My sons daughters r u all here?
Yes, Papa
Baniya: To phir bahar wale kamre
ka pankha kyun chal raha hai ???
3. Baniya 14th floor se neeche
gira
Girte waqt usne
apne ghar ki khidki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue
dekha
to chilla ke bola:
MERI ROTI NAHIN PAKANA!
4. Baniya ne Sheikh ko khoon de
ke uski jaan bachai.
Sheikh ne use MERCEDES gift kar
di.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zaroorat
padi,
Baniya ne phir khoon diya.
Ab ki baar Sheikh ne till wale
laddu gift kiye,
Baniya : (Gusse se): Mercedes
kyun nahin di?
Sheikh: Munna!!! Ab hamare
andar bhi Baniyaka khoon daud
raha hai:)
5. Baniya called a newspaper
office and asked: Mera Chacha
mar gaya hai,
obituary ke kya
charges honge?
Newspaper: Rs.50 per word.
Baniya : Oh bahut zyaada hain,
Achha likho"Chacha Guzar Gaye"
Newspaper: Sir! It should be
minimum 6 words!
Baniya : Oh ho! Zara sochne do.....
Achha likho....... ......... .
Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for
Sale ..
6. Baniya asks a Taxi Driver: CP
wale gurudware jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Haan ji jaoonga.
Baniya ne jeb se lunchbox nikala
or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete
aana.
7. Baniya ko bhoot chadh gaya ,
3 din baad bhoot khud ek ojha ke
paas gaya aur bola,
Ojha sahab mujhe bahar nikalo..!
Warna main to bhookha hi mar
jaoonga
8. Titanic Ke Saath Baniya Bhi
Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Baniya: Shukar Hai BMaine Return
Ticket Nahin Khareeda.

Pappu vs Teacher


Pappu vs Teacher
Teacher: Can anybody give an example of "coincidence".

Pappu: Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day, same time
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin 
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."


"What?" said the puzzled groom.


"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"


"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.


Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.


Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.


Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.


Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.


Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.


Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.


Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.


Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.


Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"


"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"


"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

"Muli"14 Rupey Kilo.....


Santa In Lift..
.
Girl : Mehnga Perfume Laga K Lift Me Ayi,
.
Or
.
Santa Ko Akar Boli Cobra Perfume, Rs.6000..:)
.
2nd Girl Ayi : Jasmeen Perfume"rs.7000­.. :)
.
Achanak Lift Ruk Gayi Or Khuch Smell Aayi
Dono Ladkiyon Ne Apna Naak Pakda
.
Or
.
Santa Ko Dekhne Lagi... :
.
.
Santa With Smile:- "Muli"14 Rupey Kilo.....

Santa Madhosh Ladkia Behosh..

Evolution of man:



Evolution of man:

Shadi se pehle-hero no. 1)
Shadi k baad- coolie no. 1

Shadi se pehle: maine pyar kiya
Shadi k baad- ye maine kya kiya?

Shadi se pehle- Janeman mat jao
Shadi k baad- jaan mat khao

Shadi se pehle- tum bin raha na jaye
Shadi k baad- tum ko saha na jaye

Shadi se pehle- kuch to bolo
Shadi ke baad- kabhi chup b ho lo

Shadi se pehle- I luv you
Shadi k baad- aaj phir aalu?

Shadi se phle- milne kab aaogi?
Shadi k baad- mayke kab jaogi?

Rishta wohi soch nayi!!

तुमची आई-बहिण एक करते बघा


बायको :- उदास का आहात ओ तुम्ही?
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नवरा :- आज माझी बहिण आणि आई वेगळ्या झाल्या....
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बायको :- काळजी करू नका ओ
मी आलीयेना आता
तुमची आई-बहिण एक करते बघा.. :-D :-D

Killing English


One of my Favorite Joke:

Killing English

1. Principal To Student..." I Saw U
Yesterday Rotating Near Girls Hostel Pulling
Cigarette... ? "

2. Class Teacher Once Said :" Pick Up The
Paper And Fall In The Dustbin!!!"

3. Once Hindi Teacher Said...."I'm Going
Out Of The World To America.."

4. "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY
BACK.."

5. Don't..Laugh At The Back
Benches...Otherwise Teeth And All Will Be
Fallen Down.....

6. It Was Very Hot In The Afternoon When
The Teacher Entered.. She Tried To Switch
The Fan On, But There Was Some Problem.
And Then She Said " Why Is Fan Not
Oning" (Ing Form Of On)

7. Teacher In A Furious Mood... Write
Down Ur Name And Father Of Ur Name!!

8. "Shhh... Quiet... The Principal Is
Revolving Around College"

9. My Manager Started Like This "Hi, I Am
Madhu, Married With Two Kids"

10. "Will U Hang That Calendar Or Else I'll
HANG MYSELF"

11. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK
AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

12. Chemistry HOD Comes And Tells Us...
"My Aim Is To Study My Son And Marry My
Daughter"

13. Tomorrow Call Ur Parents Especially
Mother And Father

14. "Why Are You Looking At The Monkeys
Outside When I Am In The Class?!"

15. Lab Assistant Said This When My Friend
Wrote Wrong Code.. "I Understand. You
Understand. Computer How Understand??

16. Seeing The Principal Passing By, The
Teacher Told The Noisy Class.. "Keep
Quiet, The Principal Has Passed Away"

17. Once Teacher Told "If U Talk So Loudly
I Will Stand Uping U"

18. Teacher To Students:Don't Spit
Outside, The Understand