BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.
I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for
it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me
that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week,
you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked
your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You
ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or
anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating
on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you
& I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry
from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out
your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID
notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to
mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to
say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when
you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY
SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk
boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on
them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just
borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you
& felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million
dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I
got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I
hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take
care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.
